“As a young Jewish person I was taught to locate my safety in the idea of Israel. As a grown person, I locate my safety in the movement of a free Palestine.” – Amanda Gelender When I read this tweet a few weeks ago, I was so fascinated by this phrase, this question of where …
Palestine, latecomer activism, and writing while afraid
A few days ago, I watched this interview with writer Ta-Nehisi Coates. He shares about his visit to Palestine and Israel, how it changed him from assuming the situation was complicated to realizing it was actually quite simple, how he came back to the U.S. feeling like all his life he had been lied to. …
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Notes on the Queer Art of Failure – 35th Birthday Reflections
Last year, just after New Year’s, I started reading “The Queer Art of Failure,” a book by Jack Halberstam where he argues: “Under certain circumstances failing, losing, forgetting, unmaking, undoing, unbecoming, not knowing, may in fact offer more creative, more cooperative, more surprising ways of being in the world.” Halberstam believes we should "read failures …
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Spending December remembering — Notes on five years of gratitude journaling
Two years ago, I wrote about my gratitude journaling practice — a practice I originally began the day after ending a relationship in my late twenties. My mental health was perhaps the worst it had ever been, and the thought of spiraling into a deeper depression scared me. During that time, I figured if I …
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bell hooks was one of the first Black environmentalists I ever knew
By now, many of you have probably seen the many odes to bell hooks circulating online since her death on Wednesday. What I haven’t seen as much is recognition of bell hooks as one of the most influential writers of color writing and thinking about travel, nature, the POC relationship to the environment — all …
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“Sometimes language can just hold what is” — Phone notes and fragments from 2021
Around this time last year, I wrote about my fairly new annual ritual of going through the notes app on my phone, (inspired by Ocean Vuong) and compiling some of the notes into one piece, building a practice in writing of “using everything” as Gertrude Stein once said. This year, I’m thinking about how this …
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Learning how to “winter” after a decade of snowbirding — Notes from Alaska
Alaskans look to fireweed to mark the end of summer. In August, I see the magenta petals blooming everywhere: on trails, on sidewalks, on the side of the highways. But when the fireweed begins sprouting white, wispy, cotton-like fluff around its magenta bud, that means there’s only six weeks left until winter. I had booked …
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Valentine’s Day Questions on Platonic Intimacy
In our nearly four year friendship, my friend M and I have shared moments I used to believe were only possible with a romantic partner: While watching Netflix together, we sometimes hold hands or take turns playing with each other’s hair. We send random texts that simply say “I love you!!” whenever the thought pops …
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“So many places to travel at the pace of observation” — Notes and fragments from 2020
A few weeks ago, I finished poet Ocean Vuong’s book “Night Sky with Exit Wounds” and came across the poem “Notebook Fragments” -- a compilation of the odd scraps of writing and notes Vuong had taken over time, but never found a home for. Reading Vuong’s poem reminded me of the ritual I created for …
“The compulsion to fix things in every moment fatigues the heart”
The day the Bay Area was told to shelter-in-place, my partner called and told me that the clouds outside looked beautiful. I couldn't even begin to notice them. With thousands of thoughts whirling in my head, it was a day when groundedness felt impossible. The anxious adrenaline pumping through my veins made my body almost …
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Amanda E. Machado 